Why stoicism helps you realise that you only have control over how you walk and not where you go.
We humans have this grave misconception that we are the masters of our destiny. We are also a species that cling to this misguided belief after innumerable failures. Which just goes to show that hope is something we hold on to, come what may.
But hope, unfortunately, does not always mend the broken mind every time it cracks. Not everyone is built with the indomitable spirit that pushes the outliers and the anomalies amongst us to become beacons of resilience and ‘never-say-die’ attitude.
Those of us who fall to the wayside in our quest to master our destiny and struggle to get back on track — we habit the middle of the bell curve. We are the median masses.
If we can’t muster the incessant hope of the outliers, what then can we do to ease the internal suffering of repeated failures and rejection?
When in doubt, stoic it out.
Stoicism is something that I discovered a couple of years ago while, like how most things go, surfing the web. I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to find Stoicism and to this day I tell my self that it was mere happenstance. And a happy one at it.
To put it very simply, the ancient stoics were some of the most insanely detached individuals of their times. Epictetus, Seneca and Marcus Aurelius practised and preached a way of life that allowed them to become detached from pain and suffering that comes, mostly, from expectations. Their teachings have become the overarching doctrines in the Stoic movement and the philosophy of Stoicism.
So how can the words of these Hellenistic sages help us modern day individuals cope with the failures that come our way?
We live in fast times where a touch here and a swipe there completes tasks in a few minutes, that would otherwise have taken days (if not months) just a couple of decades ago.
Our comfort of living has grown at the same pace as our technology, even if there is a lag between the two. And with this growing comfort comes rising expectations out of one’s self and one’s surroundings. So when things don’t go our way, we are not equipped to handle these failures.
Impatience and discontentment that is bred out of unfulfilled expectations is one of the root causes for these troubles. We just cannot understand why something isn’t happening the way we want it to. Quite often, at our weakest moments, we imagine future failures and let doubts creep in and distort our reality. And that is a vicious parasite that just eats away if we don’t make a conscious effort to purge it.
At such difficult moments, where we struggle to make sense of our failure and try to regain our identity, Stoicism prevails. I’m not saying that the tenets of Stoicism serve as a deus ex machina every time we stumble. It just helps us stand back and look at the situation in a dispassionate manner. The moment you separate the self from the situation, the whole struggle starts to seem trivial.
But it is easier said than done.
The ability to disinvest your emotions and passions at times of failure takes a herculean effort because we know that these are the very things that make our successes even sweeter. How does it make any sense to just switch ‘off’ that side when the going gets tough?
This is a struggle that a lot of beginners face when they start foraying into Stoicism. But believe me, it does help.
If you could, even for a moment, take a deep breath and write down what is bothering you, then it is a positive step towards acknowledging its frailty. You need to acknowledge to yourself that the pain and suffering exists only in the here and now.
We do not have any control over what waits for us around the corner. The only thing we can look at, is our next step. And the next one after that. And so on. Before you know it, you would have passed through the storm.
So what do we need to keep calm and carry on?
Patience
I cannot stress how important it is to be patient about everything in our lives. There have been so many instances in my past, where I’ve dealt myself pain because of my impatience. Patience with yourself and patience with others.
Reign in your expectations
Because patience cannot be practised without controlling your expectations. Undue expectations on oneself and others brings suffering. I have gradually come to realise that keeping a lower expectation of myself and my loved ones makes those little successes seem enormous.
Enjoy the little things
Mother Theresa wonderfully phrased this when she said, “We can do no great things – only small things with great love”. Focusing on the little things often helps divert the mind from the bigger picture. It’s just what you do while running – look only 10 meters ahead, because looking straight ahead will not make the end appear any closer.
Self discipline
And you cannot keep looking 10 meters ahead without a little bit of self discipline and focus. I have found that in moments of anxiety, self discipline automatically takes over and steels the fragile heart and ego. It makes me focus on the things I can actually control, and that takes me through difficult times.
Letting things go
That is he hardest part. We keep holding on to certain ideas, experiences and people without realising that they cripple us. Practise a little bit of self detachment and that would help you see things for what they are. And maybe give you the right reasons to let them go.
These pointers are by no means the complete essence of Stoicism. But I believe they are just enough to help us overcome failures and keep moving on. They help us to make sense of where to place the next step when everything around is crashing down.
And in the end, that is the only thing that we can do to move ahead.
The Spartan Analyst 